Happy New Year, resolutions, hopes and dreams.

So we made it to 2012 with a caffeine addiction, lack of sleep, a 10 month old teething baby and joy in our heart. I could put this on our 2012 Christmas cards (the ones that I WILL write this year) Maybe this should be resolution 1 – Write Christmas cards…

So 2011 closed its doors  it didn’t feel like OMG I must party, bury 2011…or anything like that. It has been a tough year, (who has had a perfect easy year???) but  a year filled with learning about myself, my strengths, limitations and the power of a great marriage and friendship. Having a child has been the roots of my learning and for that I am grateful. (Now please sleep until 7am little one and mummy will be EVEN more happy!)

I have also discovered the true power of friendship which came in the form of kindness, selfless gestures, gifts and donations. We have truly been blessed with our friends. I am sure without any of the material gifts we would have survived but we could not have done without the hours spent on sofas, at each others’  house, in coffee shop, discussing breastfeeding, teething, jabs, the shoulders to cry on and some free baby sitting! I just hope we have reciprocated at least as much as we have received.

Rob and I feel ever so strong about 2012. In the last 6 months he has been approached by Ealing studios, Hammer Horror and Channel 4 – So this could be the turning point in his career. I see him becoming more and more prolific as the days go by. There are more and more scripts on the go with a couple of them finished or in re-write. He applies relentlessly to competitions, internships and script writing jobs. He takes on the rejections as a positive step and carries on. 3 of the biggest studios in the UK have made contact…his name is getting out, so I work to support his writing. He looks after the baby and the house to support me in work. We sleep in separate beds during the week so that we can function (The little one still does not sleep through the night) and we give each other lie in at week-end. It’s tough on one salary. We can’t have sick days, we can’t go and eat out, make any impulsive purchases, charity shops, Asda and Primark are our Caves of Wonders and we hope for our cat not to fall sick. But we are happy. The happiest we have ever been because of our friends and family.

Previous years saw a string of resolutions, made then broken and dreams that never materialised. This year the resolutions are more like adjustments than drastic changes like eating healthy and local and exercise. Carry one writing script (for Rob) and for me carry on writing the baby book (http://lestadpoles.wordpress.com/). There is no point dwelling on our lack of….. because the abundance of friendship, success stories and laughter re-establish the balance.

We start 2012 with high hopes, a stronger relationship, projects and a baby with two teeth eager to walk. What more can one want? We thank you all for your support.

If you feel inclined to follow my other projects: http://lestadpoles.wordpress.com/ about the tactile baby book I am writing and crafting and http://severinelee.wordpress.com/ my freelance project.

Tags: Brighton, channel 4, ealing studios, family, frienship, Green Living, hammer horror, marriage, Scripts, social media, teething baby, writing

Is baby sleeping?

Friends of mine who have babysat LaMiette asked me recently: How often do you check on her when she is asleep? …I remembered this sketch of Tim Minchin by way of an answer

One child and one child only

I read a very interesting article in an otherwise rather uninteresting French parenting magazine which rang so true to an opinion held by my husband and me that I felt I had to share it¹

So we only want one child?

LaMiette was born nearly 7 months ago now and people are still asking us when our second one is planned? Our answer is always the same….we only wanted one! You wouldn’t believe the unsolicited advice and opinions that get thrown at us which are sometimes borderline insults. So why one child?

Before meeting Rob, I didn’t want to have children. I didn’t feel the urge. I love children but I knew that I would be happy to adopt instead of having my own. Meeting Rob changed that. We spoke about having children and very early on we decided that we would only have one if we did have them.

Siblings:

I have been called selfish for not wanting to give a brother or a sister to LaMiette. ‘She will be bored, lonely, unsociable etc…’ What are these opinion founded on? I was an only child for 5 and a half year and I was very well-adjusted. Some of my closest friends grew up with no siblings. They didn’t suffer! LaMiette sees others children of all ages and is a very sociable little girl. There isn’t a day where she does not spend most of her time smiling or laughing. She loves the attention she gets from us, from friends and family.

On a more depressing point having siblings does not always mean bliss when it comes to inheritance or looking after elderly parents.

Not loving another child:

For now, I can not fathom loving another child as much as I love LaMiette. I do love my best friend’s child and if I ended up having to care for another child I know I would give him or her all the love they deserve BUT with a choice in hand I only want to love this little one with all my heart and I don’t want to divide this love with another one. LaMiette is enough!

Conscientious parenting: 

If you haven’t heard…The planet is overcrowded, we have too many babies. Babies are not green no matter how much you try to be eco conscientious. The possibility of adoption is also an option. Just check this site Be My Parent and tell me you don’t have the urge  give these little children a loving  home…so yes on the band wagon of the Green issue we have chosen to only replace one of us. If we ever had the urge to have another child – we will try to adopt (I say try as I know the process is far from being straight forward)

Economical reasons:

LaMiette was neither an accident nor totally planned but we had been saving some money, paying  back credit cards and we were both in employments when I discovered I was pregnant. LaMiette was born and maybe a couple of weeks later Rob was made redundant! He had been working for a TV company around the corner from our house and it was, at the time, the ideal job! The news came as a blow but we both thought that it would be the kick that his career needed. Two long dark months followed his last day at the TV company and until mid june it was a string of failed interviews for runners on TV shows and films mainly because we don’t live in London. Something had to be done and with a change of attitude and a turn of fate, Rob hooked up with a production company, got some his scripts pitched, sustained a good interests in the TV/Film/entertainment business and I got myself a better paid job around the corner from our house.

We soon realised that the best thing would be for Rob to become a stay at home father, spending his free time (when not looking after LaMiette) writing and I would go back to work full time. Despite upping my salary by over £5,000 a year we will still be reliant on Tax and Child tax credit and until Rob’s latest script is sold we will not be moving out of our one bedroom flat. Can we afford a second child? I don’t think so!

Professional fulfilment:

It was decided at the end of June that I will put my teaching carreer on hold to work at this admin job for the next forseeable future in order to support Rob in his writing carreer and LaMiette in her first years. Teaching would take too much of my home time and LaMiette would never see her mum. I don’t see how another child could fit in our professional plans. Are we being selfish? No I don’t think so – we want to earn a good living and look after our child without the support of the state or family. Another child would be financial and carreer suicide!

Difficulties:

Last but not least in my list of why we will not have another child: I had a very difficult pregnancy. It stopped me from doing a lot of my favorite activities and sports and taking it easy is not in my nature! Combine the extra weight during pregnancy which put my body under severe strain, weight that I am still trying to shift now, a very traumatic birth (see previous blog post) and failing to breastfeed….well need I say more….. I have had counciling for the trauma that the birth caused but I do  not wish to put myself or my family through pregnancy again…

So you see, for us, one child is enough: we have thought about it…long and hard!

Next Blog: Parenting magazine: The good the bad and the…worst?

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¹ If you do read this please do not think I am passing a judgement if you want or have more than one child or none at all for that matter. This is my reaction to very judgemental people….I had to air it!

Tags: career, Eco Living, Films, Green Living, parenting, script, single child, Teaching, TV, writing

Living in the NOW and gratitude

This blog was going to be a whinge. A complaint about everything and everyone I could blame for the negative I thought had been happening to me. (I would have put it in such a way that you would have sympathised with me too

Well it is not going to be a complaint because today I had  a revelation. No nothing godly! I received an inspirational email this morning: ‘Toss your expectations in the ocean’ (Please read it as I don’t wish to paraphrase it) and it sat at the back of my mind whilst I carried on blaming everything and everyone: a natural birth I felt I was robbed of, a difficult pregnancy, a job not worthy of my aptitudes, lack of teaching hours (I am a qualified teacher) lack of job for my husband  but the words I read in the morning were at the back of my mind nonetheless and a seed was planted.

Then I met with my friend B. I have only known B for 8 months maybe. B is M’s girlfriend. They are a beautiful and inspirational couple and each on their own carry the same ‘power’ of reflection. When I am around them I can’t help but smile and learn about myself. Well B and I have become very good friends . We have been hanging out and she accompanies us when we go to  baby clubs , we chat about life, love, understanding…and today we decided to hang out in the park.

I was late and as I arrived I was already spitting complains about my ‘sorry ass’ life. Lovely B didn’t give in to the ‘oh poor you’ lines no! The words she gave me were words of strength and praises. And all of a sudden I heard myself. It was very loud. I felt quite ashamed too, to have turned into this whingeing person… I don’t know when I became so resentful and negative but a lot came flooding back.

I have read many books throughout the years. The most inspirational have been Louise L Hay, Dr B Weiss, Dr W Dwyer and all tough me so much….but I never truly lived what I thought was ‘gospel truth’ but I surely preached it. I even used good friends as example of negative being and all that time I was turning into what I didn’t want to be!

As we walked to from Brighton to Hove in search of pizza and whilst my baby girl slept soundly in her pram, I felt the pieces of jigsaw puzzle truly form an image. The image of my happy and fulfilled life! I  have been chasing and expecting so much that I set myself to fail. I failed to appreciate my wonderful life, family and friends. My words have been of want, envy and resentment instead of being of appreciation and gratitude.

Now I felt like I have turned a page. I came home and shared my feelings with my husband and he too felt the gloom elevate a bit.

I am not preaching a way to make yourself happy, whatever works for you…but what I have learnt is positivity and gratitude goes a long way. The opposite too goes a long way. If my change of attitude rubs off on others great. Otherwise it does not matter.I wish for everyone to find their true happiness however they go about it.

I even started a grateful list! It’s huge! I didn’t realise how much I have and how generous everyone has been. I am truly thankful for everything that we have. I won’t lay down expectations now I will just live in the moment. That is it!

A few people who inspired me (aside from authors quoted)

Husband and daughter, family,

B and M.

C, M and A

K and K

Thank you and be happy.

Baby ….the arrival!

Hello again everyone. Yes I have left it for quite some times again. Last time I wrote on this blog it was 3 days before I gave birth to Clementine.

The little lady was born 10 days late and had a rather hard start in life. After being 2 days in labour, I went to the hospital to be told that the birth had not progressed despite the regular long contractions. It was a terrible disappointment. I wanted to have the most natural birth possible…you may have guessed i am a bit of a hippie. Well the birth was everything but natural. I soon found out that I had an infection which made the contractions very painful (more than normal) and I had to be induced. Being induced involved a lot of chemicals, needles and the rest… including a couple of epidurals. After being ‘manhandled’ in a not very dignified way by doctors, nurses, midwives etc I had to have an emergency C section as the little miss was stuck. She had inhaled meconium too, which is very dangerous.

The C section was horrendous and once the little one was out, they whisked her away to baby ICU where she spent the next 6 days.

It was a very difficult time for all of us.

Family and friends wanted to see us, meet the little lady, find out what was going on and all we could do was to say…’we don’t know much’…’they are running test’ etc.. We had to be very strong and be by her side until she got better. Seldom were the updates and it frustrated everyone. I stayed in the hospital until Clementine was well enough to come home. I could not bare being away from her. It was bad enough not to be on the same ward.

What kept Clementine in the TMBU was an infection. Probably the same infection I had and transmitted to her inutero. The infection was probably due to an early ‘sweep’ done by the midwife to induce labour. Let me give you one piece of advice if you are overdue:DON’T HAVE A SWEEP unless you stay in hospital! So she had to fight the infection and get the all clear before being able to come down to the ward where I was.

The Trevor Man Unit staff at the Brighton General Hospital is fantastic. The people are great, patient, knowledgeable and incredibly upbeat and positive but the whole thing was harrowing nonetheless. We didn’t have much room to think and very little privacy to talk about how we felt. Rob was our pillar of strength. We had to be strong everyday and 6 days felt like an eternity.

So now I look back at the birth and I can’t help but feel cheated. Cheated of the most natural thing humans are programmed to do. I already hear you say ‘ but you have a beautiful baby girl who is strong and healthy ‘. Yes we do. I still wished I had had a better experience.

Anyway, we came home 6 days after Clementine’s birth. We came home feeling exhausted from having to be strong mentally and recovering physically. It was Wednesday. We were greeted by a petrified

who had just realised his life… and ours had just changed forever… but for the best.

Why is minimalism so important to me now?

Why is minimalism so important to me now?

If you want in depth answers to minimalism, want to know and the ins and outs of the concept I suggest you follow other bloggers who have done it for longer and for whom it has clearly worked. (check the links on the right) as this blog covers my experience only.

So why is minimalism so important to me now?

I have realised that having less stuff mean saving money! Minimalism is not just about de-cluttering. It is also about not accumulating new possessions. Saving money means it can be spent on things that actually matters. Things I never thought I could afford before. What matters to me has now changed too.  I  seek more meaningful experiences such as a holiday (it does not have to be expensive by the way), a great meal out, having a couple of friends over playing a board game, cooking with the best and healthiest ingredients!

Not giving in to impulse buying also means that I am having a smaller carbon footprint. Can anyone afford to ignore their carbon footprint? I don’t think so… You would not be reading this humble blog if you did not care!

As I said in a previous entry I have also decided to not buy accessories which are not at least fair-trade and for food, aiming for fair-trade and organic. This has made life so much easier. I just don’t look at any shop windows anymore! There are only a few ethical, fair-trade and organic shops around here so temptation is minimal. I have previously researched sites and suppliers of Fair-trade and organic goods so the shift to become their customer instead of of the customer of hight street consumerism oriented chain is not so difficult. I know where they are when I need them!

So it has now been 20 days since I read the book ’30 days’ and about 15 since I decided not to buy anything superfluous. Have I succeeded?….

erm…..

Well I ended up having to buy a new wallet! Mine was too small despite keeping its content to a minimum! This wallet is fair-trade, recycled leather, made by people with disabilities who live in a small community in India. It was £16 and the best £16 ever spent!
Ok shipping it over must have an impact on the environment but every little step matter…. This one was a giant step for me. £16 might seem a lot to some but so much thoughts went into this purchase!  It really felt that money went further because I had bothered thinking about why, where when I bought this article.

and  old wallet?…… ended up in the charity shop.

Minimalism

When I started this blog I stumbled across Leo Babauta from Zen Habits. His blog and life were extremely inspirational. Take a look to find out more (click the link) After doing some networking over twitter I was lucky to have Leo send me a book he had owned.  30 days to a Simpler Life is a very easy book to read. But, it did take me the best part of 6 month to even open it and embrace its concepts.

I guess I was not ready for the minimalism change just yet. Turning to a greener life was a big step, becoming pregnant was another giant step. Minimalism or going towards a simpler life did however happen at such a strange time in my life: before becoming a mother. I wonder if it is because the changes accompanying pregnancy involved me having to make sacrifices in my ethos.

Whilst on maternity leave I realised, partly because of the amount of stuff that people gave us as presents – hand me down – things we bought, that our tiny flat was full of clutter. Some inspiration came when one of our friend came to stay with us for a week. She had downsized her belongings to the amount she could put in a small locker, a suitcase and a backpack.  More insight came one afternoon thinking of how great it must feel to be free of superfluous possessions, I found myself staring at our bookshelf when I noticed the book Leo had sent me 6 months previous.  I picked it up and ended up reading it in less than a week.

Now bear in mind that the book was written in 1998 so much of it either I had come accross before, I was willing to do (right timing) or I skipped if it was not applicable to me. Being off for over 10 weeks makes you want to do things, get on with life especially when you are an active person. So I read the book without sticking to the ‘dates’ but that was purely my choice….and I started to de-clutter at the same time as reading. I became very ruthless with all my possessions.

A part of me had thought to wait for the baby to be born or  regain my figure before getting rid of stuff. But I didn’t. These were just ways to wait and put off the inevitable and necessary. I followed the book and went a little step further in many areas. It felt good. I felt a lot freer instantly. Within 10 days we had cleared the flat of clutter.

Much is still to be done off course but I would stay that we parted with 10% of our belongings. That might not seem much but it felt a lot clearer. I know where everything is. There are no stray receipts, bills, nik nak, unfinished projects, crafts supply that will not be touch for months….

My husband was very co-operative with this possession too. He willingly did the same and we both went down to our e-belonging too. This was a good week for charity donations!

The lesson I learnt was that de-cluttering meant : Less to look for - Less to look after -Less to clean and maintain – Less stress=More Free Time!

Off course this massive change meant that more changes were to follow. My husband and I discussed how we had come to have so much stuff….It became apparent that much of it  was my buying on impulse (charity shops – yard sales – jumble sales) There was always a bargain to be had, always a new ‘thing’ I could use for crafts or else. For him it was with books and Dvd’s. So I decided that I was going to learn not to buy on impulse, not to buy cheap, not to buy without much thoughts put into a purchase, so I decided to do a 30 no purchase challenge. Not to buy anything that is not necessary: grocery, medication, toiletry. In the mean time I added to the ‘minimalist sauce’ by adding that ‘after the 30 days no purchase I would only buy fair-trade and possibly organic clothing or accessories (Clothes have always been a weakness of mine).’

Results in the next blog entry